UGH ...

I don't even want to tell you what the scale read. First I was never going to let myself see 200 lbs again and now i have somehow allowed it to say 209.6! I have to stop. I can't keep going up. My lose clothes are getting tight and I want to be proud of myself. But it is so damn hard to get my mind straight. I switched to zoloft and I felt it was working but then I hit the PMS wall and found myself mindless not thinking eating!

I do feel I am an OCD eater. But I also wonder if I am trying to find some excuse for me to be food obsessed. Two days ago I was stuck on this thought that I said no to some trail mix a co-worker offered and I was freaking out why didn't I eat it! WHAT THE HELL!! How bizarre is that but I do that often. I have this feeling if I don't eat it I will never get to eat it and it scares me or some emotion close to that. Maybe more like makes me paranoid. Weird Weird Weird!

And I am way stressed about work, school, money, family. You name it right now I have it. I scour blogs trying to find some solution but all I see is people succeeding and me not. People without children and a husband or BF who doesn't mind eating healthier. It just depresses me more.

So this morning I am stopping the cycle. I am keeping the number in my mind and setting goals. Maybe clear goals will help me. So this week I will
1. Weight myself every day. I know people say not too but for me it forces me to stay on task and not forget my desires to be healthier.
2. Drink 10 oz of water/fluids a day. This will include no soda or sugary drinks.
3. Go to the gym 5 days this week.

I want to have more goals but I don't want to over do it. Setting these goals makes me feel confident that I can be successful. :D I feel so elated I decided to blog today :D

Q. Do any of you feel better when you blog and get these worries off your chest?