Totally MIA!

And I promised myself not go MIA on this blog. Alas a horrible flu totally sidelined me. Amazingly I have lost about ten pounds. It helped me to not eat as much at a setting. SO I feel my stomach shrunk. WIN! :D

though I am not following the BFL eating I am so surprised I WANT to eat like that. I think my cells like it. If that makes sense.  In fact today is the first day I have felt pretty darn good except for a periodic cough. Amazingly as i sit here I want to go to the gym and I think I will. I will regret not I think. Another thing that has sidetracked me is I started a new full time job and I wasn’t sure how the lunches and schedule goes there. It is weird as you don’t get a step away from work lunch. (It is a supervised boys home) And you can eat the food prepared there for free. The issue sit he food it more cheap then healthy. So I have only been there two days so I am trying to decide how to handle the food and the times. It is not required to eat but it so convenient!

I am still so amaze my body is craving exercise. How awesome is that! :D The Saturday before I got sick I ran across this book for only 8.00 and had to get it!

It has a different cover so might be an older version but the info I am sure is the same as the program needs no perfecting. I was so excited to find it locally AND for the price! I then called called to the hospital to be an advocate for a domestic violence victim. I firmly believe this is where I got that stupid flu! That and I jinxed myself thinking a few days before… gee I haven’t been sick in awhile.!  Duh never do that!  I am thankful though I got it before starting my new job. You can’t take days off with a new job for sure!

Another awesoem thing happened today that should help me get back on track. I won the book

In a random comment drawing on Janeatha's Blog I won this book.  Here was my comment and what she said about it. So cute and funny!

**********************************************************“this is too crazy. i looked at #122.. and look what her comment said! meant to be? i think so.”

Anyway kind of funny fate stuff. I really felt i was going to win the book and thankfully she didn’t make you do a lot of hoops to win it. I always appreciate people taking time to reward followers but it gets ridiculous for simple stuff when you get a point for following then one for commenting then following facebook. Anyway it has to be really worth it for me to do it. Sorry to be negative but I had to do a mini vent there lol Can’t wait to get this book for reals! :D

Oh and this is just a side note. My hubby and me watched Crazy Heart this morning. It is an awesome movie with a very realistic ending which made it even better BUT I do prefer the happiest of endings but the movie isn’t a romantic comedy so the ending was perfect. Sorry if vague but if you see it—it will make more sense. :D

Question of the day… What was the last awesome movie you watched?

Go Away You stinking Funk!

SO I am off the wagon and the only thing saving me is I don't have a lot of cruddy food in the house. BUt I want it! I know I will fail over and over again. But I didn't even go a week! I can make a ton of excuses... bad timing (financial stress, work stress, TOM) but there is always timing issues. So I have decided this is my last day and I am going to commit to the BFL thing. 12 weeks that is all. And I am going to use this epic fail to learn something. I read a little more of the When Food is Love book. Here are some quotes that really hit home.

Page three of introduction, "Eating is a metaphor for the way we live; it is also a metaphor for the way we love. Excessive fantasizing, creating drama, the need to be in control, and wanting what is forbidden are behaviors that block us from finding joy in food or relationships. And some of the same guidlines that enable us to break free from compulsive behavior -- leraning to stay in the present, beginning to value ourselves now, giving the huntry child wihinus a voice trusting our physical and emotional hungers, and teaching ourselves to receive pleasure -- enable us to be intimate with another person."

Page four of introduction, "Diets don't work because food and weight are the syptoms not the problems." This is a money shot as so true. Isn't it sad how we know these things but it takes some third party person/book to make it hit home!

It then says. "The focus on weight provides a convenient and culturally reinforced distraction from the reasons why so many people use food when they are not hungry. These reasons are more complex than -- and will never be solved with -- willpower, counting calories, and excercise. They have to do with neglect, lack of trust, lack of love, sexual abuse, physical abuse, unexpressed rage, grief, being the object of discrimination protenction from getting hurt again. People abuse themselves with food because they dont' know they deserve better!" This sentence in red is another money shot and so true to me. I tell my friends who come to me for advice -- don't you want better! -- now why can't I do this for myself? Why is it always easier to defend and stick up for other people we care for and love but NOT ourselves???

Just a couple more as I haven't gotten that far in the book. Here is another sentence that feels so true from chapter 1 page 15. "Compulsion is despair on an emotional level." I get this and it clicks. I am an emtional eater because I despair and I feel this will fill that void BUT IT NEVER DOES! so the despair goes on.

So one more Money shot sentence for today on page 19 of chapter 1. "Compulsive behavior, at its most fundamental, is a lack of self-love; it is an expression of a belief that we are not good enough." Wow... this is all so true but now the struggle is to take it in and improve myself on it. I can say i get it and it clicks but I have to absorb it!

The thing I realized this morning after a rough night of dreams of someone in my past is I am lonely. I am either compulsively thinking of food or a situation from the past that I can't control and the continued guilt I feel from it. I know this is vague but this does go out over the airwaves so I have to be vague. BUt I also think everyone has these situations. And they haunt us. It makes me realize that even in a house full of people who do love me. I am lonely. I grew up lonely and I learned at a young age to think of myself as always lonely. How do I overcome this lonliness that is eating me alive on the inside and making me show it on the outside with my unhealthy eating habits? So I will leave it at that and let that be my question of the day.

Day six

So far so good :D  My stats for yesterday were…

Cals 1604

Fat 36 g

Sodium 2412 mg

Carbs 205 g

Sugars 110 g

Fiber 31 g

Protein 98 g

The calories are 22 over what I have planned as allowable BUT I did burn approx. 183 calories with a vigorous weightlifting session.  That now has my arms very sore!  I finally read the rules/tips for body for life challenge.  And it states you should do one day high intensity cardio and the next high intensity weights.  And you should do different muscles groups for each work out day.  Then take one day off all together.  So yesterday I did arms.  It says to do a rep of 12 go higher weight then 10 reps higher weight do 8 reps then more weight 6 reps then lower weight and do 12 again then follow up that 12 quickly with different weight style but using the same muscle group.  that is called a superset.  Right now I have a lot of time (I work part time) to do lengthy workouts but soon I am starting a full time job with varying hours so I am pretty sure to stay on track I will need short set workouts.  And just concentrating on one muscle group is perfect. 

I was under the 1587 mark but late in the night I was watching The Proposal and I was craving a Chai and it is 120 calories.  So it was totally worth it – well in a way the part of my mind that wants to be super skinny and successful is nagging me I should have said no BUT the rational me that thinks it is silly I am not using the calories I probably should – says I shouldn’t worry and I am still on the right path.  You need to enjoy life a little bit.  So it is kind of a ying yang thing.  :D

Lastly, I tried the Kombucha.  Thankfully I am not a fan.  It is too wine tasting without the sweetness.  And it didn’t invigorate me.  I still took a nap… but I am not sure if that was my body still feeling blah from all the calories the day before.  At this point hard telling.  I have another one and I will try it a different day.  Plus it is carbonated and I have to take it easy with carbonation. 

I leave you with this question.  What do you obsess about that is a ying yang thing?

ps I didn’t realize it as I really wanted the camera but it turns out I got a blue one.  So I super LOVE it now!!  :D